Page 17 - July - Sept 2022 Edition

COUPLES THERAPY
Dick & Rosie Stockley
Dick & Rosie Stockley
Article & Image by Sher-Martelle-Climas
Sher Martelle-Climas is a Relationship Coach, Trained in Relational
Life Therapy and using skills from The Gottman Institute.
Sher Mar��e-Clim�
“Oh the ecstasy & perfect communication of being in relationship
with another human being! Said no one ever”

I want to congratulate The Eye on Article by Dr. Dick Stockley It’s certainly a great goal to have – if In RLT we use what we refer to as
relaunching the magazine. As a fully That means keeping the focus on the actual completely unreasonable. Perhaps ‘Winning Strategies’…
paid-up Luddite I like a magazine I can pick problem so that anything expensive or it is better to settle for ‘good enough’? 1. Shift from complaint to request: Ask
up and put down, browse through it with complicated is directed specifically towards But how do we build a life with for what you want rather than
my coffee, and leave a ring on it using it as the patient in front of you. In UK and I think someone when things have shifted highlighting what went wrong. You also
a beer mat. No need to worry if the Internet in many other countries it was almost from “happily ever after” to “I hate don’t have the right to complain
is working or get confused by cookies. I impossible to see a doctor for 2 years. your stupid face”? If this sounds about what you never asked for.
wrote articles for the eye for about 20 Almost all consultations were by phone or alarmingly familiar, take peace in 2. Speak out with love & savvy: Take
your partner on, lovingly and with
knowing you’re not at all alone.
years: before getting cancelled. I'd be Skype (whatever that is). They had all the respect. Hold them accountable as
delighted to write health articles in every latest technology but only "being there" in The fact is, it’s really a lot to ask. an adult. Be constructive to establish
issue until I get cancelled all over again. person can result in proper care. Most Relationships – all of them – are a connection & repair.
wealthy countries had a lot of deaths cycle of harmony, disrepair, repair, 3. Respond with generosity: Just be
I have retired and we are leaving after 42 including old people dying alone, their only repeat. And few of us are given great NICE ok? Defensiveness does not build
years in Uganda, we've built "a house upon visitor an anonymous figure in a hazmat suit. models of how to be in relationship. connection.
the sand" in the Kalahari. I hope to buy one Those that raise us as children perhaps 4. Empower each other: How can you
of the new Kalahari Range Rovers. They At The Surgery we preferred a different didn’t have perfect models of help your partner give you more of
have the latest technological innovation, a approach to Covid care: we saw every behaviour themselves. The best thing what you need?
voice recognition starter: they start with the patient in our offices face to face as usual. any of us can do is vow to do our work 5. Cherish what you have: Treat this
first click. Ah the lure of technology. Phone or email consultations have their to be the best people we can be and relationship like the true gem it is.
place but cannot replace the farmer's foot: raise up the next generation to be Cultivate joy & pleasure together.
Covid has caused massive health problems to be there, take a good history and do a secure – in themselves, and in their
worldwide, probably more so in the richer proper exam. Those severely ill and attachments. This is called being There are also ‘Losing Strategies’, but
countries with their drift away from personal admitted in ICU needed care more than relational. It is a way we can be in all that’s another article.
Try this when next communicating with
care towards over reliance on the latest anything. Someone to listen. To hold their our relationships. the one you love (or once loved):
technology. In our years in Uganda we hand. A friendly face, even an ugly old one. So, what does it take for couples to W.A.I.T – this acronym stands for Why
learnt 2 important lessons about health To tell bad jokes: laughter can help you sustain love? How can you deepen Am I Talking? What you do is ask
care that can be applied to most profes- cough. your relationship even when you and yourself if you are opening your mouth
sions, including starting a car. Do the simple your partner disagree, fight, or let each to say something that follows the
things well. Do what you can with what I am retired. Already forgotten by some. other down? And we will do all these winning strategies. If the answer isn’t an
you've got. Good medical care is not Others think about time too. But ideas live things. "Intimacy isn’t something you absolute YES, best to just shut up for
about the latest technology, the latest on, for those who like The Surgery idea of have. It’s something you do," says my now. It may sound harsh, but when we
investigations or the latest drugs. Technolo- what it means to care, I can tell you it hasn't Teacher, Dr. Terry Real, the Creator of can dig deep and communicate with
gy and innovations are good servants but changed. CARE MEANS BEING THERE, Relational Life Therapy (RLT). "It’s a this filter on, we are acting from the
poor masters. DOING THE SIMPLE THINGS WELL WITH WHAT minute-by-minute practice of wise adult (as opposed to the
YOU”VE GOT connecting to others through wounded inner child we all have
The most important intervention any health empathy, vulnerability, and inside). This is relationship salvaging
worker can make is to be there. The best 2 Naguru Drive, Naguru, Kampala accountability." You can learn how to stuff. It worked for me, so much that I
fertiliser is the farmer's foot: you can't care Reception Numbers: do this, and I can help. decided to retrain & share it with
from a distance. You can't care from +256 312 256001-3/ +256 772 756003 others. Try it on.
behind a screen or staring at one. You reception@thesurgeryuganda.org In short, it’s an entirely new way to With love, Sher
approach getting along, that requires
don't make a diagnosis from an MRI or administration@thesurgeryuganda.org holding ourselves and each-other in
chemical screening, you make it by Emergency Numbers: high regard. This is borne of healthy I work online, with couples the world
listening to the patient, finding out what is +256 256 312 256008 / +256 752 756003 self-esteem and takes the aim to do over, teaching them skills to achieve
wrong, asking questions. We say in training nurse@thesurgeryuganda.org no harm. Now, this does not mean the relationship of their dreams.
"history is king". Followed by a proper www.thesurgeryuganda.org. walking on eggshells or abandoning Get in touch in Uganda on
medical examination and clinical all boundaries. Far from it, this requires +256 740310629 (WhatsApp) or
assessment. @TheSurgeryUganda (f) taking each other on – with love. RelationalSMC@gmail.com

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